Audietur Et Altera Pars

Changes (Again... and Again)

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 17:26:25 GMT

No one adjusts to sudden changes effortlessly (perhaps I'm wrong -- Oh, right. The Buddha(s) -- but anyway). I admit to being someone who has always had difficulty with change. Not so much with “good” changes as much as changes that involve more than 25 of my dearest friends suddenly missing from campus (Yes, I love LOTS of people, very, very much). This a “good” change – for the most part. Most of these incredible people have graduated and have begun life in the “real world.” Some have been forced to leave for various personal and financial reasons. I still have yet to freak out over Patrick O. not being here anymore… I will. And I do know that many of these people will visit. My point is that change is difficult to deal with, and I will deal with in stride (theoretically). It’s just a sudden, glass shadderinly, startling feeling to realize that I will not get my daily dose of love-sunshine from Saffi, or get that sense of giggly-joy when I see Emmy in the Campus Center. Nor will I get distracted from homework by Patrick cuddles, Dr. Who with Emmy, “fire and water bending” with Misa and Apple, silliness and snuggles with Poshi, silly animal videos with Maggie, soul-nurturing conversations with Phil, sunshine with Rebeka, psychology talk with Wren, etc. etc.

I’m not trying to whine and carry on here – I can’t even to begin to express my gratefulness for having had these people in life. They’re not “gone,” just spread out across the planet. I just miss them. Plain and simple.

Just a Thought While Waiting for Fred's Inspection

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 19:36:39 GMT

Beyond you
There is only
Substitution

Through all of the "before you"s
I wonder
If I am a
Substitution

Not really a poem -- just a thought while sitting in Bedard's awaiting Freder.

Looking through my Special Stuff Suitcase, I found all of my L&T work including the poem we were asked to write.
I kinda like it, and may post it here for nostalgia's sake.

Enmeshed and Lost in the Tangled Threads

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 01:30:58 GMT

So enmeshed are we
Threads shared
Threads the same
Where one begins
And another ends
To tell is an impossibility

Can I even begin to un-weave myself from you? I'm afraid that without you, I don't know me anymore.

It hasn't even been that long, though. I feel that I could legitimately feel this way after, say, 50 years... Maybe less.

It's so hard to tell if I'm still here because I'm simply afraid of the "without you..." feeling.

The Beetles were adorable, but oh so wrong.
I wish they had been right.

Maybe everything will feel better after finals, when we'll finally see each other.

-Love.

... Yup.

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 03:23:17 GMT

... Alright, so I have not posted anything in a bit. And I'm not about to post anything that could be considered even remotely intelligent by the silliest of 14 year old boys (who have recently ingested large quantities of sugar).

Ehem:
I was pondering the Large Hadron Collider (as I often do ponder colliders and Higgs Bosons. Seriously.), and in my mind I accidentally referred to it as the
“Large Hardon Collider”.

Oh yes. I need both sleep, and maybe to not be a 14 year old boy...
I do so love theoretical particle physics...

Please love me anyway. :P

Love!

Avoidance.

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 04:15:57 GMT

There were a thousand things I was going to write about.
Losing Ephram, the tornado, car thieves, the party, Bard, my relationship...
This would eliminate the need to tell the same stories again and again... Yet, by telling these stories you effectively remove them from yourself. Or, you remove whatever emotional pollutant was placed there by the story...

Anyway, I’ll get to these at some point... This is really just me avoiding homework and awaiting a phone call... and rambling.

... I’m now just returning to this finish this post which was started at 4:30pm.
I was caught up stretching and practicing water bending moves with Misa (see Avatar season 1, episode 8, I think – the one with the scroll).

One of the reasons that I avoid telling these stories is what I wrote above. You can sometimes purge yourself of the trauma by telling the story... I cling to my trauma. I dig my nails in, wrap myself around it, and hang on for dear life. I don’t let go of the trauma... I don’t know exactly why... I prefer to psychoanalyze others (more of a psych. major joke than truth). My trauma belongs to me. It’s mine... I need to learn to relinquish ownership of it. I need to want to first of course.

I’ll get to the tornado story at some point... I’ll tell you the ending ahead of time: Everyone was (and is) completely and totally fine. Except for the ram feeder, which had been bitch-slapped by the swirling vortex of death. It, too, was eventually fine.

Love.

P.s. ... Still can't find a theme I like!
Andreaaa. I'll pester for help at some point.

Change: Good, Necessary, and Quite Frightening

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 18:40:52 GMT

It doesn't take a large change to upset my fragile sense of balance.

I didn't walk down Kappa Path to Village K, I didn't go to my "usual" classes, I no longer share a room.
Even these minute changes had me somewhat off-kilter.

It’s the social changes that cause me to feel, emotionally, like I’m on a water bed.
Missing classmates, missing friends, new relationships, changing dynamics.

I fear change because, in my irrational, darker places, and due to life events, I believe loss and change to be interchangeable.
I Know that this is not, in reality, the case... But it can feel like it is

I’ll adjust, as usual, with a little time...

There have been a lot of changes this past summer, a lot of loss, and a lot of very wonderful new things.
Maybe I’ll even write about them later. :)

Love.

Looks Like the Rain Cleared...

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 16:11:35 GMT

So, I lied about not having friends here – Well, not so much lied as became incredibly chemically imbalanced and began taking to heart the things that my sometimes self-abusive mind was telling me...

Thanks to all of you (And a lot of thanks to Laura’s brothers in a way...) For being completely there for me when I needed you.
.
.

Anyone surprised that my best friend here is a guy or that my ‘crew’ are mostly guys...
No.
.
.
Of all of my classes, I completely heart my second dance class. I spent the entire class joyfully gigging with everyone as we slithered, and crawled, twirled, and rolled across the floor.
.
.
.
.
.
My journal desperately needs a facelift... Let me know if any of you are willing to help with revamping this journal...

Ew.

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 04:19:41 GMT

I’m going to admit this now: I’m not okay – But I’m honestly beginning to think that I will be.
Just a day or two ago I was soaring. I was so explosively giddy to be here that I thought I’d need to be scraped off the walls.
.
.
Both Dar and Dad visited over the weekend, which was awesome. Dad took Dar, my closest friend here, DeShaun, and I out for breakfast. The whole time I just wanted to cling to Dad like a little girl and not let him leave. When Dad and Dar left, I felt lost and left-behind somehow. I do feel left-behind, I guess, even though I’m the one who left... I feel stuck between two worlds. Not quite woven into this community yet (more so now), and not “needed” at home anymore. I do know that it’ll get easier. I know that I have a place at home. I look forward to this place and these people being my “home” too... Then that’ll make leaving either place hard... But I’ll focus on the here and now.
.
.

I’m now disfigured due to my own stubbornness. Not that anyone needs details, but I got a few bug bites on The Cape, as is to be expected. So, I get to college with my ankle having swelled to the point that I can’t find the normally protruding bone there. I figure I’ll just heal, because I’m a stubborn pain in the ass... I do all this while lecturing everyone around me to have every little pain and scrape checked out. My leg gets so bad that I know I’m not going to be okay if I don’t get it checked out. I have a brand new, extremely drug resistant form of staph (“MRSA”). My leg will never be the same, and I’m the only one to blame. I’m completely disappointed in myself for the fact that if I wasn’t the World’s Biggest Hypocrite Ever, I wouldn’t be dealing with this now... How much you wanna bet I still won’t change? I’m so fucking irresponsible...
.
.

But seriously, everyone does need to be careful and get even the smallest infection checked out. This new bacterial infection is becoming an epidemic, or a pandemic at least. So, here I go again: Y’all need to get wounds that seem even a little off checked out. If you don’t catch an MRSA infection in time, you will lose your limb, and you’re very likely to die. I know I sound melodramatic, but when you see my leg, you’ll run to get everything looked at...
.
.
.
I am going to be okay. I just gave my dorm massages. And made a friend for life with a scalp massage.
.
I still need all of you, just so you know. I still love all of you like crazy. I always will. I honestly need your love and support even more right while I’m still transitioning/freaking out.
.
.

I love you all. Please don’t ever forget or doubt that. My cell phone is literally always on.
.
‘Night.

You Might be a Hippie if...

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 03:08:21 GMT

You might be a hippie if you're me...
You might be a hippie if you go to Hampshire/Bard (Thus far Bard is a big if)
You might be a hippie if you hug trees
You might be a hippie if you hug in general these days...
You might be a hippie if you know what Original Play is
You might be a hippie if you add to this list...
.
.
So, I'm the hippiest (That is the most like a hippie) in my class at Bard... No, I really am.
I may at some point write a 'real' entry about my Bard experience and life thus far... But this is me. Honestly, I'm having a hard time. Although I know most of us are. But I'm trying to remain hopeful...
.
.
Also, thanks so much to everyone who came to the party. It was a blast... And everyone got along. Some new friendships were even made. Ahhh.

Party at My Place!

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 21:33:14 GMT

Hey y'all. So here's a heads up:
I'm planning on having a relatively large get
together here on the farm (in Peru MA that is). It's starts on Friday July 28th and ends at some point the following day. We always have so much going on around the farm that it would be really difficult to do a ton of cooking for the party, so I was hoping that each of you could bring a bag of chips or some soda. If you can't bring a food item, I won't love you too much less. I would also have to request that anyone staying over bring a tent or be willing and prepared to sleep in the hayloft of our barn (Which could be really awesome actually). I hope this gives everyone enough time's notice, and I really hope to see you all there. Call or email me if you have any questions at all: (413) 655 - 2323
Hope to see you all there!

Or I'll cry...
Well, not really... But... Oh, just be there.

Sand Castles

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 21:33:27 GMT

But I want to build sand-castles made of dreams of our future together
I don’t care that the tide may wash it away one day
I only wish that you would build with me
But you’re too afraid of the tide
My Love, eventually the tide will come in
But until then... Won’t you just help me?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Note: This is not really a poem, and it's not meant to be "good."

Image.

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 06:43:29 GMT

So I’ve been “nudged” by Charlie to update. That’s a cute feature, “nudge.”

So why haven’t I updated in... 20-ish weeks? No, Alex, I’m not lazy (That’s you ^_^.) --Survey says: Because I suck at life... Well, that depends on how you define living life. By my standards I’m doing rather well. I’m just way too popular to find any time to be in front of a computer ^_^ Although I really am never home due to my love for all of you... I may post another update some time about everything else that’s been keeping me away from the computer.

But I do have time to write a bit about something I’ve realized about myself: I have an “image.” I suppose we all do really... So, what does this mean exactly? It means that I appear to be a certain “type” of person. A certain set of assumptions come along with an image. People assume many things about you according to your image, such as your likes and dislikes, beliefs and personal values... And this bothers me, immensely.

It may sound like I’m making a big deal out of nothing.... And maybe I am, to you. I was just conceited enough to think that I was above or beyond having an image... That people saw me for me. And it’s friends I’ve had for ages that see me as a “innocent.” I’ve been called this three or four friends recently. Now, I have no real problem being thought of as innocent, it’s really cute actually, isn’t it. My problem is that fiends that have known me for ages are assuming things about me. Little things, really. Little things, like what I must listen to in the way of music, which movies I would or would not enjoy, who I must be as a sexual person...

It occurred to me that this works for my sexuality though... I guess.
I just hate assumptions. Especially those made by people who claim to know me well.
I know that this is life, and people have to create assumptions and categories to make sense of things... It’s really hilarious to me that the last person to tell me that I seemed “Innocent” and “motherly” was Steph... And the circumstances in which she decided to inform me of how she saw me... Really, really funny. Jake and I must have had the most priceless expressions... I love my friends...

Can you tell that I like to over-use quotation marks...

Here's to a Fresh Start and Change...

Sat, 24 Sep 2005 20:35:48 GMT

I know it’s been a million and half years, and several Ice Ages since I’ve posted prior to my most recent post... As you might have gathered from this, it’s been pretty hectic here. We’re now ‘officially’ Ox ‘N Yoke Farm Reserve and Animal Sanctuary. In a few weeks we’ll be legally recognized as such. So, between caring for our three steers, two oxen, five roosters, two dogs, and four pot bellied pigs, setting up a garden (That the moo cows happily ate...), and my job at Hancock Shaker Village, it’s been hard to find time to do pretty much anything else... Even my rock-solid reasons for severely delayed updates sound like weak excuses... Sorry. As you can see, I’m workin’ on it.

One of the reasons for my lack of updating motivation is the fact that my journal doesn’t look the way I’d like it to. If anyone knows how to upload backgrounds and fiddle with settings without causing damage, please let me know. LiveJournal really is a great idea. It’s a great way to keep in touch with far away friends and a cheap form of therapy... But it can also be used as a tool of pettiness, which I hope to avoid doing...

Sorry that some of my older entries are so eclectic and... Strange... Well, we’ll just see what happens with this journal, won't we...

[EDIT]
Make that six roosters...

Time Flies...

Sat, 24 Sep 2005 20:18:36 GMT

Your New Car: A Symbol of Adulthood

I love my car, I do... “Freddy” he’s great. Safest thing on four wheels. Two front air bags, four side impact, four curtain air bags, a built-in roll-cage, rubberized bumpers, radial tires... He’s even got Winter Mode driving... A 2001, silver Volvo sedan... No one could ask for a better first car, or a better car in general. I feel really good about having paid for half of him. He’s so sturdy that Ben can pass him down to Rachael one day... — Unless I keep him.

So, why don’t I sound just So enthused? I fear change. Fear it. Like nothing else. Almost like a phobia. I did, however, learn from A.G.T., change is good and correct. It’s the Big life changes that make we want to hide. Seeing many of my oldest friends go to far off lands for college, Benny becoming a junior, Rachael becoming a highschool freshman, and my own graduation. All of these big changes at once were a little much for me. I do see then as good, just a little frightening as well. Then I got a car to drive to my first “real” job.

Signing my name on all the legal documents felt like signing my childhood away. I was thrilled to get this car, don’t think I’m being ungrateful. I am well aware that no one has to “grow up.” being an adult doesn’t mean anything other than responsibility, which doesn’t scare me at all. It’s just seeing my car in our drive way was a symbol of massive change, that nothing will ever be the same. This scares me. I’ve now come to accept this and see it all as wonderful. And I’m allowed to be afraid every once in a while...

All in A Day's... What.

Tue, 11 May 2004 21:40:47 GMT

Ya gotta love professional therapists.

"...Yeah, I had this awful anxiety attack thing for like three days..."

"Hm. Well that's not healthy."

Oh?... Cause, I thought it --

Also, Dar, I'm so planning on filling out your survey... And *Teehee*, Birthday-present-ing you later.

And, fiddling with the appearance of this journal...

Stop Drowning, Please.

Tue, 11 May 2004 20:30:21 GMT

ThatThereFlynn: If you want to know, you're one of the stronger reasons I have not to go.

You can't just... say things like this...

"His Cousins's Cousin"

Tue, 11 May 2004 20:07:07 GMT

That’s, um, not legal... In this state...

Dude, brams!

Wed, 14 Apr 2004 22:30:28 GMT

School-wide memes can be so delicious. Especially when one in completely infatuated with one's school... I still hold that I will be one of the sadly few to have enjoyed highschool. The entire experience, as with most, is what you make of it. I’m just overwhelmingly lucky enough to be exposed to vibrant, creative, and overall, very loving (and huggy/cuddly!) people... So “Brams.” Leibenger was in the chorus room being himself. He picked up sheet music and read Brahms as “Brams” (a as in anticipation) Yeah, you had to be there. But now, everywhere around the school, and no one knows exactly why, “Brams, Dude! That was mine,” “Brams, man, see you later,” “... Brams, it’s been one o’ those days,” “Brams! I forgot my book...,” “Oh um, the – brams! You know!,” “Brams!! I got a 90 in psych!” That’s PHS. And that’s me counting some of my blessings...

After school Binks and I went to Misty, couldn’t decide what to order. Binks has a fear of threes. A three-friend group (Not clique... Don't make me explain, please.) frightens her. We discussed the benefits of The TriForce, of our TriForce. We discussed love of course. Then, some how, I ended up pretty much giving her the “Birds and Bees, Bigger Isn’t Actually Better, It Just Hurts More” talk. I still can't stop laughing. The conservation was full of blushing and plenty of giggling. It wasn’t awkward, it was just so... cute. She's so... What, innocent, clean. She has a chance to learn from our stupid mistakes. It did feel like giving “The Talk.” I totally remember how it came up now...

There's always so much, and a bleak lack of words. There really does need to be "Scratch and Feel" the empaths' answer to scratch and sniff... I'm sorry ::laughs::, it's just this week. I am so sorry for being particularly weird these past weeks. This is me not handling anything, refusing to handle anything. Ok! Vacation's ahead, there are future-determining phone calls to be made, and relationships to be altered, strengthened, or ended ( I hope not...). The best to all of you. I love you. I will try harder.

Stop.

Wed, 07 Apr 2004 02:29:28 GMT

"Don't get mad..."

"I'm sorry ok! I had to..."

"I've apologized... I can't do anymore... "

How can I not get mad... No, you did not have to... Yes. Yes you can. You can care... All of you can stop hurting yourselves. All of you can stop lying to yourselves (and me...). All of you can stop just for a second, and think. All you can stop thinking so much. All of you can stop pretending that I don't love you, that I don't care... Don't say, "But I'm human." Guys, you're not. You’re... You. You make my world, and then spin it around... I know, I’m a selfish bitch... Alright... That’s no where near the half of it...

It’s not just that... Some make no sense at all... Any one, everyone, please tell me what you think “True Love” is... Just leave a comment, tell me when we see each other, whatever... I’m extremely idealistic, I know... I feel that if you truly love someone, even non-sexually/non-romantically, you only truly want that person to be happy, even if that happiness excludes you. What has made him/her happy, experiences that have made him/her happy, you, at least, try to empathize with, or at least accept. You accept that those experiences may have been largely responsible for creating that person. There’s no envy, no lies, no manipulation. Only trust. You love him/her, every facet, every flaw. All of that person. You may not (most likely will not) like everything about that person. You accept everything. You accept all. You accept his/her past, views, life, etc. You love unconditionally. You want for his/her happiness. You go out of your way to help the person achieve it at times. But you never regret who he/she was (It’s not your place to, first of all.), who he/she is, who they loved, who they love, etc, etc... Not well written, at all... Alright, of course it’s no where near that simple... But you get the gist... No lies. No or little jealousy. Consideration, or at least common courtesy. Acceptance of the past... No hate for ex’s, friends, etc... I cannot be mature about this (or anything at all for that matter) ... I am sorry... I still do not understand how some one can... Not understand... Anything... I won’t be polite about it... I will not... But I’ll leave it... What more is there to say?

I’m thinking I may erase this entry soon... After I get a good look at what I wrote, when I’m more... Coherent and reasonable...

sc2Mokodo: Because I hate everything that he took from me.
sc2Mokodo: And don't tell me he didn't.

That is so disgusting... How can you say that?... Why do you believe the things you do... How sociopathic do you really need to be.

Am I really this cruel? --Are you?

I Know, I know...

Mon, 05 Apr 2004 19:19:34 GMT

I was going to write consistently. Not conceal, and horde my emotions. Excuses excuses. But it’s not dire. If it’s ever that pivotal, you’ll hear all about. More than you care to...

So... There goes my mood again ::the clouds part as Mr. Happy Sunshine in his designer sunglasses grins down upon. Pastel birds chirp...:: Um... I have no idea, sorry.

There’s so much... I sadly believe that words and I will just never be the best of friends... That’s alright. So here we go:

We castrated Muley and Killian on Sunday. Yeah, I wasn't there for that... They had the most priceless expressions on their poor, sweet faces the next day. My poor babies... They’re fine now and back to being silly babies.
Wednesday: The award ceremony at the Atheneum. It was adorable. Tess won second place (should have been first). She’s a doll. I swear the girl is Rachael’s long lost twin. A very shy boy, Shea, won first... It was a comfortable ceremony. The families of the winners and their teachers were there. It was wonderful getting to chat with Mrs. Kinnas out of school. She’s so much fun. Right before the ceremony I ran into Kate (Love, love, lover her)! She gave me her contact, and said she had gone to something AGT-like and it was a wonderful experience. I plan on asking more about that, and hopefully spending time with her... I can’t seem to concentrate right now, I may even rewrite this later...

Oh here’s a good one. Thursday night. Benny comes up from the basement, “There’s a puddle of water in the middle of the floor in my room...”
Me: “Oh no, was it a puppy?”
Ben: “... No, not a puppy...”
We both go to investigate. I gawk as the puddle begins to very slowly expand. I call dad. As he sets foot on the floor board of basement floor, water gushes from the base of the walls. It was something out of a movie... Yesterday morning there a was a cold, stagnant inch of water covering the entirety of the basement... We still can’t stop laughing about it. It’ll be completely fine. Nothing major was ruined. ...Then Trav came over last night... He’s always fun. There’s always side-splitting laughter. My one issue with was this: Now, we all know that I’m a cuddle whore. I would wither to dust without being able to express my love for you all through touch (probably for lack of verbal ability). Trav is a great hugger. He’s doesn’t snuggle (didn’t used to snuggle). He’s terribly old fashioned. When he asked me on a date, he called my mother first to make sure it was alright with her. He courts. I was afraid to initiate most of the touching for fear that he might take it as something that’s it’s not... Right now, I only want a platonic, yet cuddly relationship with him (I am a hussy, Bianca, I know). My feelings will probably remain that way. Some how, last night, we were wrestling and cuddling and being stupidly silly... It was great... It felt... Um, mostly comfortable. It would be a tad narcissistic to read too much into it... He called me sassy... I really cannot stay focused... It’s probably the weather, and lack of sleep... We threw a party for Chiefy’s second Birthday. We made a hamburger and rice cake. He was beyond precious.

So, my Becca is off in N.Y. Probably picking up hot girls and then she’ll come back, and won’t love me anymore *grumble*... I miss Lain, and list of others... Matt R. Wants to visit... I have to run that by Becca, and I’m afraid that it might upset her because of the way she now views me... That’s funny... So much more... Oh, I had the best conservation with Carli on Thursday. As those in the musical were tapp dancing... Carli, you are Mercutio and Lysander. You always will be. And I’m sorry, but no matter what, regardless of your occasional “I don’t wanna hear it” mood, you’re an amazing person. You create from your soul, and you’re honest. I do very much regret telling her something that, unfortunately. I don’t regret telling her, I regret telling it all... It’ll be... Alright. My focus is completely lost. I’m sorry... Matt and Jeff’ll be here soon... I need to gather my poi materials... I love you.

Becca, Do You Ever Stop?

Thu, 18 Mar 2004 23:16:45 GMT

Thanks...

Becca: "You're not slutty... You're just easy."

Also... Just now

Kayla: "Now a days a lot of people are Spanish!"

Exceeding My Dork Quota

Sun, 14 Mar 2004 00:40:50 GMT

Stargate SG-1. It was about eleven thirty... One of the characters had just finished a cross word puzzle with which he had been struggling. The cute, dorky/brainy character (See how often I actually watch this show) takes the puzzle and reads aloud in his calm, humourless voice:

"The atomic weight of boron is ten... You answered 'fat'."

I was gone. On the floor laughing like a maniac, repeating, “‘Fat’ Ohmygod... The atomic weight... ‘Fat’...” This was so reminiscent of ninth grade science with Mr. Somes, and Bio with Mr. Lacatel. I’m such a science nerd... Sorry... I’ll just... Go.

I love you.

The Crucible

Sun, 29 Feb 2004 17:13:05 GMT

There are ten thousand things I'd like to say about last night's play. And it's not even that the words escape me (which they usually do). What can you say. Powerful. It was more than that. I’ve been to plays whose actors are "professional." Often, there's something almost unnoticeably stiff, lines being recited. With a play this powerful, it may impossible not to get that deeply into character.

Sean... Wow. I would have chosen no one else to be Giles Corey. Sean was amazing, to say the very least. He was Giles Corey. He fully captured the character blunt greed, and gradual transformation to a more caring and extremely strong willed person. At points, I was sitting there thinking, “That’s my Sean... My Sean.” Sean, boy, you can act. Reverend Hale was perfect (yeah, I got a crush). When I find the play bill, I’ll add the actors’ names. Paris, was amazing. When I first saw Abigail I was thinking that the girl looked too sweet and innocent. Could she handle Abby. She did, and was stunning. Jon and Elizabeth Proctor were superb. Who wasn’t in love with John Proctor by the end? Judge Hawthorne was jarringly powerful. Mary and the other girls were amazing. My words can’t do the cast justice. The casting was absolutely ideal. I loved Noel Noel’s touches. After the play, the beautiful girl who played Elizabeth, presented Noel with a Homer Simpson standee, and a short beautiful speech. There were no dry eyes on the stage or in the audience. I feel like such a dork struggling to put all of this into words.

I’ve never cried so hard at a play. PVPA, you’re all beyond amazing... This really makes me look at my school. My school was known for being rather politically and socially outspoken. Under Mr. Hammond, PHS would put on plays to make a point, and leave the audience with something. I love Mr. Hammond, he’s a wonderful person, and brillaint director... But I wish he’s get off his Prozac just long enough to see that there are other things besides Hello Dolly, and the Front Page (which were both amazing of course...) I’m sorry to be so rude, but at times like this, when the world needs to be reminded of these injustices that are being repeated before our eyes, I feel that the world should be... reminded...

Silly Test.

Sun, 08 Feb 2004 19:58:42 GMT

You are Ender!

which Ender's Game character are you?

this quiz was made by Aria

I'm surprised. I really expected to get Petra.

You are Petra!

which Ender's Game character are you?

this quiz was made by Aria

I had to cheat to get Petra. I think she was always my favorite character. I tried to pretend it was always Ender, or Bean. But neither are as human (especially not Bean, haha... Sorry). Ender was always perfect. The suffering Angel who unwittingly killed an entire race. Even his suffering was beautiful, eventually influencing him to become Speaker for the Dead (at least in my interpretation), and being remembered as almost god-like by so many. Petra was human, real. She screwed up. She was loud, she acted strong, she was a scared little girl. I often hate characters that I relate to. I may just be in a funk because I finished the series so far and now have to wait for the last book...

Ice Godess

Sun, 08 Feb 2004 19:33:32 GMT

She commanded the attention of the audience. As we sat, enthralled, she sparkled across the ice. Senorita Bianca was dressed in a magnificent flamenco inspired dress of silken black with a single red rose at her right hip, and another in her gold-blonde, tightly pulled back hair. The dress was longer at one side so that is twirled and danced with her as she glided across the ice. The others were good, some were amazing, some were adorable, but Bianca has a distinct style that I wasn't aware one could have in figure skating. She is truly a goddess on the ice. She really is always, but on the ice is here element.

I've known Binks (Bianca) for about four years. We were never really friends in middle school (She thought I was a freak, I thought she was shallow). We were lab partners in Mr. Somes's science class freshman year at PHS. She was my best girlfriend in a couple of months. I had had male friends almost exclusively until that point. I love that girl so ridiculously much. She told me that her favorite hobby was figure skating. I had skated once when I was six years old. Together, we went through the stress of her skating tests, advancements in moves, dances, etc. In ninth grade, weeks before a skating in front of a panel of idiot judged, many of whom had never skated, she would twitch, dance in her chair, sing, tap, poke me compulsively, and get pretty aggravating :) (poor, sweet girl). As she's practiced, and learned new skills, she's gained confidence. I had never seen her skate before today.

I knew she was a talented figure skater, but honestly, figure skating didn't grab my attention so much. To me, the dances seemed similar. It bugged me that a lot of the skaters didn't acknowledge the beat in the songs. The songs didn't seem to fit the routine, etc. What did I really know about skating.

I met up with Laura M. And Larissa, we scrambled for seats. Laura and I were acting like mothers about to watch their children in a play. I thought Laura might jump out of her seat/faint/explode. Laura is always so much fun to have around. She may very well be the most positive living creature on the planet. Larissa is also a love, and great organizer, She made the posters and asked Laura and I hold them and chew some gum to relax. The skaters were all amazing. Some routines were fun and involved the audience. The little children’s routine’s were painfully adorable. A group of children were dressed in yellow with yellow feather on their heads. They performed the Chicken Dance. Larissa had to hold Laura and I back so as to prevent us from squeezing them all to death. Then Emily danced. She wore white. She flowed across the ice like water. She was stunning, truly elegant. Then “Senorita Bianca” was announced. I thought Laura might faint. She beamed at the audience with such confidence and attitude. She became her character. She flicked her wrist and moved to the beat of the song. She landed every move (she claims that she two-footed one jump). The red rose in her hair fell to the ice mid-jump. She glanced at is as if it were part of the routine and she would come back for it when it was appropriate in her routine, or when she felt like it. The audience was in love.

After the show we each hugged her to pieces, gave her out posters and flowers. The three of us couldn’t help but giggle and feel like we were with a celebrity. Larissa, giggling like a fan girl (so cute!) Asked for her autograph. Bianca was so calm, flipped her back, like “Yeah, I’ve always been this confident.” The girls left, and I went to the party with Binks. She’s been more confident ever since. She really is the best skater in the entire club. The rest are amazing. I love Camilla, and Em. They’re both amazing, but Binks’ flair stole the show.

I Love you, Binks!!!